Happy anniversary to myself!

Exactly 365 days ago, around this time of the day, I was sitting in the car and did the most difficult thing I have ever done in my entire life. I came out to my mom. So today I celebrate my coming-out's first anniversary (YAY!), and I figured it would be the excellent time to tell you that story.
I actually had no particular intention to come out, that 26th of September. It just happened upon me. I had been thinking about it a lot, but as I already said before, these thoughts didn't exactly help me. I tried to imagine what would be the perfect setting. This setting basically included my mom and me, together in a situation where we didn't have to make direct eye-contact (looking into her eyes when telling her gave me the shivers). This description boiled down to two options: us doing the dishes together, or us sitting in the car (with me behind the steering wheel, I didn't want her to crash into a tree due to the shock).
Without me fully knowing it at the time, option two became reality. My mom and I were in the car, and I was driving. We were headed for a clothing store. Halfway there, my mom started to talk about someone she knew that was gay. "It must be so hard to be gay, to struggle with it, you know."
From the moment she started talking, I could feel the direction she was heading. From that point on, my heartbeat started going up. Nerves and time have caused me to not remember exactly what my mom was talking about. All I could think was "OMG SHE'S GOING TO FIND OUT" and "OMG SHE'S GOING TO FIND OUT". The conversation went on, and all of a sudden the urge came up to tell her. I could not resist, it was time, finally time.

"Erm, mom? I'm like that."

I didn't dare to watch anywhere else than the road. My breath stopped for a moment, and a hot rush of heat pulsed out from my heart to every single tip of my fingers. Goosebumps. My hands clenched to the steer. My palms started to sweat. I was shaking.

"Yes?" my mom said, after a brief pause.
"Yes."
"Yes..." she replied hesistantly, still putting every mental jigsaw in place, adjusting the image she had in her mind. She said "yes" for another two or three times (until the last piece of the puzzle fell in place, and probably also because she was speechless). My tight grip loosened. The steering wheel could breath once again.
It was out in the open. I was out in the open. To be honest, I felt like a deer on an open plain during the open season. My biggest secret was not a secret anymore. I could no longer hide behind my mask of straight. This vulnerability soon made place for euphoria though.
As the conversation went on, the inevitable question appeared: "When are you going to tell dad?"
We both knew that my dad wasn't going to react positively. I didn't feel like telling him. Luckily, my mom was there to support me. She informed him as soon as I was back in Leuven. I didn't want to be at home. I wasn't up for it.
My dad actually cried. He called me as soon as he could, surprised that I sounded just the same as I did before, as if nothing had happened. He visited me in Leuven that week. I can still vividly picture him breaking down again, when we started talking. Being very stereotypically influenced by various factors throughout his life, he was very scared and worried. But I remember that day as the day on which I had a very grown-up conversation with my father. It was the first time we ever did that, and it felt excellent.

It has been one year. A lot has happened. I have basically come out to everyone around me, and most importantly: I am happier than ever before.

I love you!
L.

The self-acclaimed gaydar

Okay, I admit it. I like Project Runway. I like the clothes, I like the contestants (I totally fell in love with Daniel Vosovic during season two), I like Heidi Klum, I like Tim Gunn. Because of the rather odd airing time, my dad is sometimes forced to watch the show with me. He doesn't like Project Runway. I bet he likes Heidi Klum alright, but he expressively dislikes the show on itself ("Do we have to watch this shit again?"). I believe the show on itself isn't really the issue. It's the openly gay and eccentric males on the show that he finds rather appalling.
My father is the proud owner of what I like to call the "self-acclaimed gaydar". I don't think he has a gaydar. He, on the other hand, is absolutely convinced that he can distinguish the fruit from the so to speak vegetables.
Project Runway proved to me that I am right, but unfortunately my father is the only one I need to convince, and he happens to be resistant to my constatations. We had been watching the show together for around twenty minutes. In this timespan, he regurarly outed his disapproval.
First, he made his comments rather general.
"This designer kind, it's like, always special people." he said sighing, emphasizing the word 'special' as if it were some kind of illness that was inherent to a fashion designer.

I immediately picked up that his comments were pointing at Christian Siriano (I know, season four, damn you Belgian broadcasters, I want season five!). I think I don't need to explain why.

"Especially the one with the glasses." he continued.
-"What's wrong with him?" I asked, trying to lure his anti-gay side out of its den.
"He's just over the top. And his hair, what's up with that, you don't like that, do you?"
-"Don't be so dissapproving. You don't know him, and besides, I think he's a very funny guy. And his hair, well, I know, it's eccentric. Then again, so is he, and I don't see why his hair should not be the way it is. He wants it fierce like that."

Then it went silent. To my surprise, no word was spoken about the fact that Christian was gay. Then, five minutes before the show ended, Christian's made some stereotypical gay hand movements.
"Oh my God" my dad started, "this guy is gay, isn't it?" he said, still desperately seeking confirmation. I laughed, and then said that Christians homosexuality was something to be smelled from fifty kilometres away. I wonder what had happened if I told him that he wasn't gay. Seriously, dad, you ain't got no gaydar, a'ight?

The Erasmus Experience - Madrid Edition: Orange Club

Yesterday, A. and I went to a club in Madrid. We could get it for a lot less money because we were member of a special facebook group. They told us to get there in time because there would be a long queue.. Didn't really think it would be that long, but hey.. It kind of was. So there we were, in our queue when suddenly two persons before us a girl turned around and faced the boys ahead of us and said: 'Hi, I'm from New York, where are you guys from??'

-my eyes started sparkling-

"I hàve to meet that girl!"

So after eavesdropping for a while we got into the club and headed straight to the bar because they promised us there would be an open bar van 23.30-00.30! But since we arrived around 00.15 we didn't really have a lot of time left for us to get free drinks.. Anyhow.. we managed to get to the front of the bar through the pressing crowd of eager students wishing to get a free drink or a refill.. Only to realize that we were at the part of the bar where the bartender wasn't in favor of guy.. He even said at one moment: 'No chicos, no'.. It really p* me off! So anyhow, while we were standing there a guy came to stand next to me and he asked me what we could do with the piece of paper they gave us at the entrance.. I explained and we got to talking.. I think he was gay, and he was there all alone.. Suddenly he left the bar and headed to the dance floor.. alone. After 30 minutes we still saw him walking around alone so I tapped his shoulder and thought I could make some smalltalk.. -him being gay and all-.. but he actually wanted to give us the impression that he was there with friends and pointed in some direction where they were 'supposed' to be, but we never saw them.. After that conversation he headed in that direction and u-turned towards the exit.. Never saw of him again..

Anyhow, that wasn't the most interesting part of the story.. Later that night, A. and I where at the bar -again- when the girl from NY (who definitely noticed we were checking here out) started talking to us.. *aaaah*
"Hii, where are you guys from?"
and the conversation started.. she also brought friends there from Washington and Tennessee.. They were all very nice and we got to the point where we invited them to the mall, because they hadn't seen it yet! In my opinion the girl from Tennessee was the nicest one of them.. the other once gave me a very superficial friendly impression but always seemed to try to get out of the conversation.. So right now, I don't really know what to think.. the girl from Washington practically invited herself to come shopping with us, but later that night she kinda dodged us for one moment..

Heyy, I guess will have to wait and see what happens,

See you next time,

x

B.

The Erasmus Experience - Madrid Edition: Chueca

Chueca, or.. another word for 'gay'.. is a hip and trendy district of Madrid.. today I went apartment hunting in Madrid and ended up in the vicinity of this district.. And you almost immediately noticed its presence.. The streets up to it were all very trendy.. nice shops, nice bars too, I think, and of course.. nice gays! You could immediately smell the rising level of gay guys.. It was a very weird sensation.. The apartment was okay, but we ended up renting another one, that was located closer to our bus station.. But still, being around the district sure did get me curious to know and mostly séé more..

I'll keep you posted!

x,

B.