Yesterday I had a serious case of déjà-vu...
Almost 4 and a half years ago I came out to my mother. It was one of the hardest things I had to do in my life. Living for weeks, even months with the fear of being rejected for who you are. 'What if she won't love me anymore?' That was only one of the many questions going through my head at the time. The same goes when it came to outing myself to my friends, but still it's sort of different. I was almost 16 and I had been walking on the tip of my toes ever since I saw that cute new guy in school. Weeks didn't have to pass for him to be outed in front of the entire school. And even though he was rejected by more than a handful of people I respected him so greatly for his courage. He made me realize that it is perfectly okay to be who you want to be. I hàd to meet him.. I was even making bets with my friends daring myself to go and talk to him 'for no reason'.. around that time none of my friends were aware of the fact that that specific guy unleashed a complete new me. Things were getting clearer by the second. I had been fooling myself all these years, trying to convince myself that I was into girls... what was I thinking?
Then I met him.. He had my undying love in a heartbeat. That was the moment I decided it was time to tell my mother. The moment the words left my lips, my heart skipped a beat. 'She accepted it' 'She wasn't going to throw me a party for it but she accepted it'
Although it wasn't entirely negative I still felt deeply unhappy.. not something I would want to experience another time. Too bad... as my parents are divorced for 10 years now I had to tell my father all over again. That was yesterday.. Almost 4 and a half years later. It went perfectly fine. Sigh of relieve.
For the record. My mother DID accept it.. and she's absolutely been the perfect mother ever since I brought home my first boyfriend. Oh.. and that guy I was referring to.. that 'love' didn't last a very long time.. just a case of blind infatuation.
Almost 4 and a half years ago I came out to my mother. It was one of the hardest things I had to do in my life. Living for weeks, even months with the fear of being rejected for who you are. 'What if she won't love me anymore?' That was only one of the many questions going through my head at the time. The same goes when it came to outing myself to my friends, but still it's sort of different. I was almost 16 and I had been walking on the tip of my toes ever since I saw that cute new guy in school. Weeks didn't have to pass for him to be outed in front of the entire school. And even though he was rejected by more than a handful of people I respected him so greatly for his courage. He made me realize that it is perfectly okay to be who you want to be. I hàd to meet him.. I was even making bets with my friends daring myself to go and talk to him 'for no reason'.. around that time none of my friends were aware of the fact that that specific guy unleashed a complete new me. Things were getting clearer by the second. I had been fooling myself all these years, trying to convince myself that I was into girls... what was I thinking?
Then I met him.. He had my undying love in a heartbeat. That was the moment I decided it was time to tell my mother. The moment the words left my lips, my heart skipped a beat. 'She accepted it' 'She wasn't going to throw me a party for it but she accepted it'
Although it wasn't entirely negative I still felt deeply unhappy.. not something I would want to experience another time. Too bad... as my parents are divorced for 10 years now I had to tell my father all over again. That was yesterday.. Almost 4 and a half years later. It went perfectly fine. Sigh of relieve.
For the record. My mother DID accept it.. and she's absolutely been the perfect mother ever since I brought home my first boyfriend. Oh.. and that guy I was referring to.. that 'love' didn't last a very long time.. just a case of blind infatuation.
x,
B.
1 comment:
Ik ben blij dat het goed gegaan is Bramme (à la française)! :D
Post a Comment